Thanks to the generous and philantropic nature of my housemates and friends, I have managed to contract the dreaded man 'flu. Now, before any women pipe up that this is nonsense I would draw you attention to the common-held stoic philosophy of mankind (in a literal rather than biblical sense) and how this does not really compliment the symptoms of man 'flu. This leads me to conclude that man 'flu is actually every bit as crippling and dehabiliting as men say it is. Women - you are safe [and lucky] on this one as with a number of other complaints that men get - such as colour blindness - and thus ought to thank your lucky stars. Women get the agony of childbirth and men the dreaded and constant fear of man 'flu. The following information is taken from the official man 'flu website and ought to be read by any self-respecting man: 

"It's important to remember that YOU are an expert in self diagnosis. Don't be influenced by what others, particularly females, may say about your condition. If anyone can say whether you've got Man Flu, it's you, so stick to your instincts.

The first rule of Man Flu is DON'T PANIC. Man Flu can smell fear. Man Flu will normally initially present itself as a bit of a sniffle, dull aching all over or just 'not feeling right'. It's important to let as many people know exactly how you feel, particularly other men. This will give them the opportunity for early preparation should then begin to fall ill.

At this stage you may find women become sarcastic, cold or unsympathetic towards you. This is simply a primitive defence mechanism ensuring that you keep your distance from them and therefore lessen the likelihood of them carrying the virus home to their husband or boyfriend."

[The rest of the site can be found at http://www.manflu.info/index.html]

Come on, men: we can all get through this crippling affliction if we all stick together. Firsly, I propose to have this pandemic listed on the UN list of diseases so that work can then begin on finding the much-needed antidote. As for testimonies, could any afflicted men out there share their own horrible experience of man 'flu so that we all might be that bit wiser?

Gaz out.