I’m not quite sure why Djibouti, but I went on a random country generator (they exist, really,) and it managed to assign me Djibouti, so I went and found a nice little picture and plonked it under its name, so it’s topical, see? Also, I’m fully aware that that picture doesn’t make it wholly clear where this nasal expulsion of a country is, and so I endeavoured to find another map. Sure enough, I found this nice one;

I’m assuming it’s under the black arrow. (No African-related ethnocentric or apartheid-y jokes, please.) 

Djibouti’s actually war-torn at the moment, as it has three aggressing armies moving through it (Ethiopian, Somali and Eritrean) to attack the other relevant parties. What better place to practice a military junta?

An armadillo

I’ve wanted an armadillo for some considerable time now, actually. Aside from having a name that just rolls off the tongue and finding fame in the dime adverts, they’re just generally a cool creature – an armoured hide and the ability to roll into a ball – what more do you need in a pet? Hours of amusement as you watch it roll and unroll, roll and unroll and then charge and bite you in the leg.

Perhaps a small group of them as well, then they can play “suiball”. (Where they lob themselves blindly at one another in the hope of scoring a goal.)

Gaz out.

I was casually leafing through the free diary that lay on the sideboard at my Grandma's house when I chanced across the double page spread entitled 'Events 2007'. Curious, I read on (as one does when in a curious state of mind,) and found many an interesting and plentiful an amusing date that should be remembered - perhaps even celebrated - by all. In addition to the obvious events of the year - Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, New Year and all that - and the more serious of the memorial days - Remembrance day, AIDS awareness and the like - come three of perhaps the most useless days to ever exist, and so, naturally, shall make a spectacle of them all. Here we go, then;
 
National Romania Day
 
I'm not really sure who made this day up, nor why - though there was probably a reason. Actually, to be more precise, there was probably a cause that determined its instatement and it was most probably alcohol or drugs. This raises a few questions that need answering - what the feck is so special about Romania that they get their very own day, and how does one go about celebrating Romania day? One entry on Urbandictionary.com suggested this;
 
"A day during which Romanians put on their finest clothing they found in the garbage, bathe for the first time that year, and gather together in the village's oldest pig sty. They then proceed to roll around in pig-shit while singing the Romanian national anthem. Afterwards, the men skip down the main dirt road while playing grab-ass with each other, while the women sit around and boil goat intestines for dinner. After the men are finished playing grab-ass, they all get naked and steal the virginity of the youngest sheep in the village one after another. After this ritual, they feast on the boiled intestines, and have a gay Romanian f*ckfest until the wee hours of the morning."
 
Now, the obvious Anti-Romanian sentiments aside, he raises a good point. If one was to celebrate this Romania day in traditional stylee, wouldn't one need to be reduced to the level of a tzigane for the day? Ah well - it's the 17th of May, should you want to celebrate it.
 
International Tampon Alert Day
 
How does one go about discussing the possible merits of International Tampon Alert Day without falling about in Hysterics? Does one treat the Alert as;
 
"Hey! You There! Are you wearing a tampon?"
"No. I'm a man."
"Oh, okay then."
 
Or as;
 
"Holy Crap! A tampon!"
 
Either way, I love the idea. Now, never having worn a tampon in my life I'm not sure how easy it is to forget about one, nor the comfort value of it. Regardless, I would go so far as to have this day as, if nothing else, an excuse to break the standard taboos surrounding the word. No longer will people be able to ask you to move on for greeting people with 'happy tampon day', and no longer shall people walk around tampon-less, as if naive enough not to recognise National tampon day. To go a stage further, I should like to propose that Gaz's Blog™ be the official sponsor of International Tampon Alert Day. Mark June 8th in your diaries, everyone, for Gaz's Blog™ will be rocking out Victoria Marinelli style.
 
Potato Day
 
Grab your spuds on the 28th January, as Potato day comes but once a year. I believe no further comment is necessary, apart from that it shares a day with National Homelessness day. Combine the two and give your neighbourhood scrounger a potato. I'm sure they'll be thrilled.
 
Gaz out.

On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918, the guns across Europe fell silent in accordance with the German armistice agreement. What was known as the 'war to end all wars' was over. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite the war that people thought it was, and Europe was plunged back into full-scale war within 31 years, with most of the world joining in, this time. And so it goes on and on and on, with people killing and butchering their fellow man and woman and fighting for their countries, and for causes that are deemed 'just' and 'right' by the Governments of the time with no real purpose but to extend their own mandate long enough in the hope that they might be the ones to establish peace on earth. It's a load of bollocks, really, isn't it? I shall forever be reminded by the quote from blackadder about how war just wouldn't be war without the killing -;
 
"It'd just be a rather nasty argument with lots of pushing and shoving."
 
Which is right, to an extent. Now, I'm not going all mushy and liberal on you, so don't fret. I am, however, saying that wars are violent things (believe it or not) and the people that die are all someone's children. Even if you hate them to the back teeth because the propaganda says you have to, what beef did the individual soldier on the German front line have with that short dumpy woman from Warsaw, or the young American GI have against the poor Vietnamese rice farmer from nowhere in particular? Wars sometimes have to be fought - for defence (personal or vicarious) or to oust some sort of dangerous regime (which is not what happened in Iraq, just to clarify) - but that doesn't mean that Mr Plebby that fought and died in them shouldn't be remembered.
 
(Not that it has any relevance to this line of ranting, but more to the day itself, however I would like to offer you a link to the song 'Green Fields of France', covered by the Dropkick Murphys here. It's a fantastic song if you listen to the words.)
 
I remember. Please show that you do by leaving a comment saying the same.

It turns out I left too long a pause between my last blog™ and this one, as I got shouted at over the course of yesterday by a few blogfans™ who had nothing decent to read for Nye-on a week. Allow me to remedy such a blatant breach of Gaz's Blog™'s aims of providing free, insightful and, further, witty and original insights into the news that really matters. I guess the focus over the past few days (with the exception of the cost of saving the planet and Iraq, which are both subjects of awful tedium having been in the news on and off for years now) is that of ASBOs, and the Government finally realising that, after seven years, they really don't do anything close to good at all. The Government must face up to the manner of sloppy, pathetic degenerates that they're dealing with (as detailed beautifully in an earlier blog™: make an effort to view it here, as it's one of my personal favourites) and create some sort of suitable punishment for them, rather than just giving them some sort of equally sloppy punishment. A slip of paper - Oh Lord, they shall quake in their Lacoste boots and wet their tracksuit bottoms with fear. What would have been a good idea would be to brand them, or to have such an offence work against getting benefits or something (interestingly enough, ASBOs are not included in the grounds of the 1973 Offences act, and so they do not need to be stated, but are more for Police use,) that somehow marks them from other degenerates in a bad way. As it stands, they will not change their ways - not because they can't, but because they don't want to, as they're not really put at any great discomfort by the ASBO as it stands - it comes as a 'mark of pride' for adolescents and those that follow the crowd and do things just because their mates do them. ("Monkey see, Monkey do" at it's finest, I guess.)
 
But what if they continue to offend enough to end up in jail? This, too, has become something of a status symbol, where men will brag about how they were treated in jail to the ladies in order to appear tougher, when in actual fact, they were arse raped every hour of every day by some prison boss and used as a drug runner by the smarter convicts. Nothing's there to stop them re-offending, or is there? A Texan jail has come a cropper on a fantastic idea to halt recidivism dead in its tracks, and is making the inmates were these:

 
 
 
Not only that; they live in pink cells with pink walls, pink beds and bedding which, altogether, makes for a very uncomfortable atmosphere, according to CBS news. It reaches such proportions that the inmates would sooner lie in their beds all day than go out, as they don't want to be seen by the public, and many admit that it would make them think twice about committing any further crimes. Perhaps we should bring in something similar in this country (there was a trial on the Isle of Wight a few months back that sent disruptive pupils into school on a cold, gutted and pink school bus, but I've heard nothing since) and make Chavs were giant pink badges, à la German Jews in the 1930s. Either that or flogging through the streets. Gaz out.

Yesterday was a lovely momentous day, people of the world, for it was the day Mr Loaf brought out his final album - and what an album it is. I won't go into fantastic detail over the whole matter, as it would probably just end up as the word 'excellent' repeatedly strung between various conjunctions. Suffice to say that it was worth the thirty years it took to make, and the two years I've waited for it to come out and, even though it's not been 24 hours since I first listened to its shining splendour, I know the words to a good six of the fourteen epics. How can anything that features Mr Loaf, Patti Russo, Marion Raven, John 5, Brian May, Steve Vai and Jim Steinman not be anything short of genius? It's like all the very biggest and best names from the rock everywhere and when came together and founded this masterpiece. It seems futile and rather silly to even give it a score out of ten, but here we go;
 
                                                                                     11/10
 
Anyway, enough promotion for what could be the greatest album of our time and onto something a bit more controversial. Anyone that hasn't been living in a cave for the past few weeks will know there has been something of a debate surround the wearing of the full veil (or Niqab) in Britain. Before we get onto the whole debate itself (or rather my view on it all, which I know you're all dying to hear,) allow me to point to Jack Straw and Lord Herman Ouseley (Who perhaps has the greatest name ever devised, as it can hardly be a real one,) who started this all by suggesting that Muslim women unveil in this country - and good on them. The veils are, as people keep pointing out, barriers to racial integration, and that won't do - in the same way everyone in Britain should speak English, so we should all be veil less and not cling to the edifice of a chauvinistic and theocratic past like some sort of superglue-strength stick insect. Now, I believe in a multicultural society and the benefits it can create, however I do not like the idea of a detached "voluntary apartheid" state. If it ever comes down to a vote on the matter, I know which way I will staunchly condone - take it off or get out. Gaz out. (In a completely dissimilar manner.)

• Carol Voderman and her amazing, all-singing, all-dancing sudoku (and everything else for that matter)
• B*Witched
• The Lord of the Rings
• Burberry amongst chavs (at least in Bolton anyway)
• David Blunkett

Feel free to comment on your own additions to the list at your own leisure. But now - gambling news, and it has finally happened - I managed to beat the gambling machine at the Cotton Kier. Almost religiously, myself and Jenny Doxy would spend a good £2 a week playing those games (for our own enjoyment more than anything else,) and last night I was confronted with a difficult decision - do I take £6 in prizes and settle for 2nd place on the hi-scores or keep going and clinch the top place and even chance winning £15? A no brainer, really. Essentially, I carried on playing however managed to lose all my winnings in the process, but the good news? 'Gaz' now holds the top place score on the triple towers board with a modest score of 790,000, thrashing the previous record-holder 'Gavin'. Bwaha. I suggest you now all go down to the Cotton Kier and play triple towers, just so you can watch as you score stops miles short of my epic six-figure score. Anyway, view-wise, Gaz's Blog™ has encroached upon 26,500 and continues to climb. Until next time, then. Gaz out.

1. Rock 'n' Roll Nigger - Marilyn Manson
2. Never be rude to an Arab - Monty Python
3. Big Balls - AC/DC
4. Springtime for Hitler - The Producers Soundtrack
5. You're the one for me, Fatty - Morrissey

For those unfamiliar with the long-standing vendetta Gaz's Blog™ holds against political correctness and all those politically correct wishy-washes (maybe 'wets' might be a nice little time that can be reinvented), allow me to educated you - Political correctness is one of the worst concepts ever imaginable - it elevates those that are regarded as inferior by society to a state where they are equal to or even superior to the rest of society. It now stands at such a level that one cannot recite simple nursery rhymes without causing offence (re: Bah bah ethnic minority sheep or whatever the hell it has to be known as now). I say this to those that are in support of this social injustice - by all means support minority rights, but not at the expense of your own, and for God's sake - know where to end. Perhaps the poor people are poor for a reason, and for them to aim to be equal is just uninventive and unambitious - let them become better through their own means and perhaps society will respect them. Gaz out.